By Esther Cohen

Often, the scariest moment is just before we begin!

I am thinking about those few minutes before an interview, a difficult conversation, entering a new social setting, a job appraisal, doing a presentation… the list is endless. Why is it, that the scariest moment is just before we start?

Within every individual resides three aspects of the self. These are, one’s inner child, the disorientating critical self and the adult self. All three parts are forever interplaying as we go through our awake moments.

 The inner child is exactly as it sounds; the little vulnerable us who feels the fears, needs reassurance and battles on.

The critical self is the voice of negativity and criticism, often disguised in good intentions. It may say, ‘I am here to protect you and stop you from making a fool of yourself. What if all of this goes wrong?? What if… What makes you think you are capable of being successful? Listen to me to keep yourself safe!’

The adult self is the sensible balanced voice who recognises our abilities, is positively realistic, sees challenges as learning opportunities and is reassuring and endorsing. If you can’t find your inner adult in any given situation, ask yourself how you would respond to a close friend if they were going through the same thing?

Just before starting something that is important to you, it is common for the critical self to jump in and stir up the inner child’s insecurities. If that happens, remember that it is rather normal and that you are human!

Remember also to call on your adult self to sooth and reassure the inner child who might be feeling quite unsure given the way the critical self has been feeding it with doubts!!  It might take a little practice to call upon the wisdom of the adult, but as a result you will develop the ability to regulate your thinking, feelings, and behaviour during key moments.

The scary thoughts and the anxiety before starting can then be recognised and thoroughly ignored as you stand up with confidence and do your bit!